Back from the dark side.

This is not a Star Wars pun, but rather an honest confession. I pulled away from writing blog posts because I felt like all this anxiety chit chat was actually stirring up my panic. Oh, the irony.

I felt an adrenaline surge over the past few weeks and I was trying to discover the culprit. I think I was becoming too engrossed with thoughts of anxiety, panic, stress, etc. I thought that starting a blog would be cathartic. Instead, my brain interpreted it as, “let’s bring up this cerebral sludge to the surface and let it freak you out again!”

My mind has been moving at a faster pace and I attributed that to spending a lot of time writing these posts and reading about other bloggers with similar journeys. I think there is a way to gain the benefit of this creative outlet and to not let it stir up murky emotional waters. I’m going to be more mindful and purposeful in my blogging adventures.

During lunch with a beloved friend today, she challenged my thought process. I verbalized how I felt like blogging about anxiety was making me more anxious and she countered with, “but you’ve still come incredibly far and people can learn from you.” That tugged on my caregiver heartstrings.

This blog might be difficult for me sometimes, but it might also give someone a breath of fresh air. It might sting to relive some vulnerable moments, but it might teach someone a new coping strategy. Also, I’m learning that anxiety is a part of my core being. I have been blessed with a lot of energy, a quick thought process, and an intensity that allows me to be successful. So, maybe the purpose of my blog will evolve from trying to “fix” my anxiety to simply embracing it.

The healing side of me outweighs the cautious side of me. With that being said, I’m back.

Love and Light to you on the New Year’s Eve

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A snuggly NYE celebration with my pretty diffuser.

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7 thoughts on “Back from the dark side.

  1. Anxiety seems to spread more and more on earth, not like we were living in paradise… , but i see this as an increasing life pace, technologies works hobbies ‘our lives’ i feel the same, we are all in the same layer of stress or almost all 😉 well i wish you a mindful year & life, meditation breathing and zenitude 🙂 happy 2016 friend!

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  2. Thank you for sharing this with everyone. I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for facing these parts of yourself. Thank you for allowing yourself to feel these things.

    I think what some people tend to forget about meditation is that it does bring up these things from our subconscious, things maybe we haven’t thought of in a while or even just being more aware of the thoughts that are already happening within our mind.

    And all of that is totally OK. I think that’s what’s supposed to happen. Its like slowly bringing all the stuff to the surface, and in some way it’s up to us to find a way to release that, through meditation, exercise, whatever. You seem like you are doing all the right things and are on the right path, so keep going. Thank you for being.

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  3. My mom always told me that if I removed my anxiety I would lose other key parts of who I am… Compassion, creativity, empathy, Etc. she asked me if I would be willing to give these up. Because the whole pie is made up of all those pieces including the anxious piece as much as I hate it. It really is a part of us!

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